If Canberra and Queanbeyan were celebrity couples
We’ve had our differences, but the Queanbeyan/Canberra dynamic just works. Queanbeyan is obviously the older, more hardened one in the relationship. We’ve got our baggage – I mean we practically had to raise Canberra – we’ve had a stint in rehab and a string of failed relationships but we’re now ready to settle down.
Canberra is the wanky- sorry, polished – educated and articulate partner that you’d definitely want to show off at Christmas lunch. Their cycling skills, EL2 financial statuses and skiing weekend anecdotes easily woo the unsuspecting Queanbeyan singles.
Here are the Top 6 celebrity couples that embody the Queanbeyan/Canberra dynamic.
Meghan and Harry
This is a classic ‘Queanbeyan girl ruins Canberra man’s conservative life with her wild ways’ fairytale. Meghan’s IDGAF attitude towards the Royals, their rules and protocols, is a personality trait we Queanbeyanites share. Her problematic family life makes her an embarrassment to the Royals and the couple has been ostracised faster than the lone Queanbeyan resident in your public service office.
Harry, the coy ginger-haired boy just trying to make everyone happy, brings a definite Canberra energy. His military past and the need to do what’s right was overtaken by an intriguing “other life” that existed just over the border, where we break all the rules. Harry and Meghan would definitely be married at St. Raphael’s.
JLO and Ben Affleck
Sure, she’s Jenny from the Block but we actually think Ben is the Queanbeyan component in this relationship. Because nothing says Queanbeyan more than a big ass phoenix back tattoo. Ben Affleck has made worldwide headlines for his womanising ways and rehab visits. Despite his Dad Bod, despondent attitude and litany of life mistakes he has managed to rise from the ashes and bag the hottest celebrity of them all – not once but twice! Classic Queanbeyan behaviour.
JLo (or JAf) is the Canberra component of this relationship. The age-defying Latino beauty popped out twins and somehow managed to have more abs afterwards. She can sing, she can dance, she can act. The showy trifecta of fame just screams Canberra.
Mick Jagger and Keith Richards
Okay, more of a duo or partnership than a couple … but their relationship since childhood has lasted longer than most marriages. Mick’s had his fair share of women and drugs, so we were going to upgrade him to an Oaks Estate Canberran or maybe Narrabundah, but his smooth moves keep him from reaching Queanbeyan status.
Keith, on the other hand, is the gift that keeps on giving. At 78, he’s consumed more “mega pints” than Johnny Depp and is a walking medical miracle. His reputation of pure debauchery would have him fitting right in at the Monday court call in Queanbeyan. His complicated relationship with Mick has them pegged as the on-again-off-again couple whose Facebook relationship status swings back and forth like a pendulum. We also love that Keith called Mick a “snob” because – same, Canberra.
Kourtney and Travis (Kravis)
The ultimate yin and yang relationship. Kourtney Kardashian and Blink 182 drummer Travis Barker are the new age Pam and Tommy. Their PDAs are way off the charts ,with the pair acting like high school kids, hooking up at every opportunity. Kourtney with her slick “Mom-bob” and vegan lifestyle is the self-righteous Canberran that us Queanbeyan folk love to hate. If she lived in Canberra you’d definitely see her at Flow Yoga and eating out at Acai Brothers.
Travis, on the other hand, would definitely be seen hanging at the Toppy or on the main street at Deep Image Tattooing. His BDE is pure Queanbeyan. Special mention to Kourtney’s ex Scott Disick who I’m sure would have been thrown by security into the Walsh’s back car park every Friday night.
Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani
This unlikely couple met on the set of The Voice which is surely the equivalent of meeting at King O’Malley’s. Gwen is a bleached blonde California babe. A pop icon since the 1990s, her outlandish fashion choices have us predicting she’d love Lonsdale Street or the cool end of Bunda Street.
Blake, on the other hand, is a down to earth-divorcee-country music star whose hits include Come Back as a Country Star and Minimum Wage. Couldn’t be any more Queanbeyan if he tried. His blue jean and flannel shirt combo would fit in the front bar at The Tourist.
Benji Madden and Cameron Diaz
Cameron has dated the likes of Justin Timberlake and Jared Leto, but Benji Madden of Good Charlotte fame had the right combination of edge and broodiness. Her stint as a Charlie’s Angel gave her the skills to fit right in as a security expert for the AFP.
Benji, an identical twin, appeared in a movie called Live Freaky, Die Freaky and we reckon that would make an awesome Queanbeyan life motto (and bumper sticker). Their glamour meets rock combo meshes together perfectly and their daughter’s name is Raddix which was derived from the word “rad” and is just about peak Queanbeyan.
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