Mandy Merrifield quit booze, found purpose and is flipping off the ‘fairytale’
Mandy Merrifield’s life didn’t turn out how she thought it would. Not even close.
The former Queanbeyan High student did everything she was supposed to: got married, had kids, started climbing the ladder on a corporate career, bought a nice car and an even nicer house. But she was struggling to cope, and by 2012, just shy of 10 years into her marriage and with young daughters, she was drinking up to two bottles of wine a day to quiet the unhappiness in her world.
She’d go to work smelling of alcohol, avoid catching up with friends where the amount she could drink was limited, and every single one of her relationships – including with her husband and her daughters – began to disintegrate.
She wasn’t living the fairytale: she was living her own private hell.
Rock bottom came: divorce, career destroyed, financial devastation, daughters gone, “and rightfully so”, she says. Up to 8 bottles of wine a day.
But Thursday 13 October 2016 was the day everything changed.
“So many people ask me, ‘What happened on that day to stop you drinking?’,” Mandy says.
“And I honestly have no logical answer.
“One would think that when I lost my job, or when my girls went to live with their dad, or when my hair started falling out, that these things would be enough to stop me drinking. But they weren’t.
“Nor was it the start of the month, or a Monday, or a special day like my birthday. It was a nothing day … but it was the day I stopped.
“I don’t know whether I’m religious or not, but I know that I believe in the universe. And in karma, and energies. And there was something bigger at play that day.
“I had no idea how to get out of it, or what my life would look like moving forward, but I knew the first step was to not have another drink.
“I also knew that my life hadn’t always looked like this, and I wanted the other version back.”
Life today looks remarkably different.
Mandy’s a successful executive leadership coach, life coach (“I don’t do bullshit, nor do I do coach speak. I help women navigate the ugly stuff, the tricky stuff, the uncomfortable stuff”), and she’s also a vocational trainer in business, leadership and management. She’s just completed her first post graduate degree from the University of New South Wales, and is now embarking on a Masters degree in Positive Psychology.
Mandy doesn’t believe in the fairytale that society sells women, and has written a book that’s a big middle finger to the ‘shoulds’ women are tortured with every single day.
It’s called F*ck the Fairytale, and it features the stories of eight women who all traded the fairytale in for lives that feel real and truly their own.
There’s Guinn who left behind the rancid smell of bureaucracy, Rachel who realised all too late that she had put herself in coercive relationships, one after the other, and Cleo, for whom the marching timeline of a young woman stopped dead in its tracks when the Covid pandemic hit.
These are interspersed with stories from Mandy on joy, choices, and her experience with The Black Dog. Throw in a bit of ‘The Fairytale of Thin’ and the relationship and friendship lessons (or red flags) we learnt from Sex and the City, and you have one hell of an entertaining, and enlightening read.
“When I started writing the book, I reached out to seriously ordinary women to be a part of it … and I was literally blown away by the stories I heard,” Mandy says.
“I’ve known most of these women for years, and I had no idea what was hiding underneath.
“I always say life doesn’t go in a straight line’ and this book and the stories in it, they show that. And I think it’s something more of us need to remember … the perfectly curated life …. it’s total garbage.”
Through coaching and writing, Mandy has one hope:
“I want to bring more of these real stories to life. Bring confidence back, lift each other up, and remember – that we never know what is going on behind closed doors, so be kind.”
By being loud about her experiences – addiction and sobriety, anxiety and depression, family dysfunction, and starting again from scratch in her 40s – Mandy hopes to remove some of the stigma women face every day; and she uses her lived experience to help others overcome the same obstacles she once had.
F*ck the Fairytale is Mandy’s first book but it’s the beginning of her vision to help women feel “validated, seen and safe” by reading the stories of others.
“I want my readers to be able to stand a little taller, their shoulders a little squarer,” she says.
Mandy’s started a Substack called Ordinary Women, Honest Lives, and is in the early stages of her next book, Love Letters for Women, sharing wisdom across the generations.
Then, she’ll go deep on the most emotional story there is: her own.
“I’ve already started it, it’s called The Memoir of an Ordinary Girl. This originally started from my wanting to tell my story about coming out of addiction, but it’s morphed into something more than that.
“The day I got sober, there was something bigger happening. And that’s what I want to explore in my memoir. What is faith? What form does it take? And how can it impact your life?”
F*ck the Fairytale is available on Kindle or in paperback or hardcover on Amazon
You can follow Mandy on LinkedIn, Instagram or Facebook or head to her website: www.mandymerrifield.org
About the Author: Briony Winchester
Part bogan, part wannabe plus-size model and part journalist, Bree's the woman behind Q! News. A born storyteller, she's been writing locally, nationally and internationally for more than 30 years.
