When your mum asks for ‘a day off’ for Mother’s Day, it’s not a joke
We’re about three days out from Mother’s Day and if you haven’t got your mum anything yet – good. There’s still time to get her something she actually wants.
Which is a day on her own.
Because here’s what you might not know.
Your mum’s nervous system is on overdrive for 18+ hours a day.
That time I accidentally had a baby at age 43.
Picture a powerboard in a share house with 18 appliances plugged in. It’s electricity amped to the max. It could spark and start a fire at any minute. Mums basically live on high alert all day, every day. Hell, even when they’re sleeping they’re dreaming of their teeth falling out or turning up to school in their pyjamas.
That’s because the second you were born, your mum said: ‘This person is more important than me’ and it became her job to quite literally keep you alive. You became the person she gave all her time and her energy to. She’s thinking about you every second of every day, sometimes consciously, and sometimes not. And that takes a massive toll.
Living with a nervous system that’s fused to 100 is exhausting, confusing and scary – have you noticed how small things can set her off? That’s because she’s at her limit, and it takes next to nothing to push her over the edge. The big challenge is that most mums feel this way without knowing why. You’re exhausted because your nerves are frayed, girlfriend!
Holidays aren’t holidays, they’re just looking after your kids in a different location.
The stress of a holiday starts with getting ready for the holiday.
Gross generalisation here but it’s pretty much always on mum to pack for herself, the kids and to find someone to feed the dog.
Then when she gets there it becomes: ‘Where are the kids? Are they near water? Do they have sunscreen on? Do they have a helmet on with that scooter?’ Did I pack enough snacks and water for five hours on the beach?’
Unless dad/partner/other physically takes the kids to another location and she’s left alone in the tent/caravan/hotel room, she’s stressed. Sometimes, returning home is the best part of a weekend away.
She gives all her time and energy to other people.
Just call me Wonder Mum.
Like the rest of us, your mum is probably a people-pleaser. (She can’t help it – she grew up in a society that expected that of her.) After you, her priorities are her partner, her boss, her family, her friends, her netball team (e.g. anyone but herself.)
When she falls into bed at the end of the day, exhausted, for a few small seconds everyone’s asleep and her nervous system can dial down the tiniest wee bit. It’s not full relaxation: more like an edge being taken off.
But then one of the kids gets up or dad wants ‘a cuddle’. And it’s all systems back to 100 again.
So.
When she says she wants a day off for Mother’s Day, she’ll say ‘just kidding’ straight after because she doesn’t want to offend you. But she actually means it.
It’s not that she doesn’t love you, she just needs time alone for her nervous system to dial down from Friday night at Mooseheads to Sunday morning at Bunnings.
That could include a treat like a massage, a pedicure or an actual trip to Bunnings, but for most women it’s sitting in silence alone, having a cuppa and reading a good book. Nowhere to be. Nothing to do. No-one to worry about.
Just a big exhale and letting her nervous system reset.
There’s no better Mother’s Day gift in the world.
About the Author: Briony Winchester
Part bogan, part wannabe plus-size model and part journalist, Bree's the woman behind Q! News. A born storyteller, she's been writing locally, nationally and internationally for more than 30 years.
